24 weeks

Hi world,
I am blessed to be 24 weeks pregnant with my son; Grayson Oliver. I do not feel as if i have been grateful enough for my/our families blessings. So i have propose to my husband that we do a 100 well 102 since thats today count down to Grayson entry into this world and record on paper not only what we are grateful for but a whats going on with us type of thing. Are we going to stick to out, who the hell knows, but I think its a great place to start. we are keeping it on print because i want to hand it to Grayson the day he can read! I also will incorporate Samaya ( my 4 yr daughter) so she can be a part of this journey with us.

Okay thats all i wanted to share, hopefully tomorrow we will have more news to update you with!

Good night and god bless!
-Michele

Do you ever feel this way 2012.. a post I was scared, but its 2014 and feeling are something to embrace not run from

I wrote this almost two years ago, I believe every women at some point after having kids and staying at home for a year has these feeling. they are true and sad, but feeling nonetheless. We, jermaine and I since got married I went back to work got on and off birth control. And am whole and in love with what I do because of my loving husband, he make his all possible.


Post created back on 2012 when i was blogging, I thought I posted this but I guess the time wasn't right... well now it is.
Okay so as much as I've enjoyed this time to be with my daughter and be a stay at home mom, this life isnt for me. Maybe at another time in life when im older, maybe if I hit the lotto, maybe never, but I need to feel independent, because having a child is so life changing. It could be because we dont have as much money as we would like to, there are many maybe's and its time for me to get on track, to feel fulfilled, happy, enjoying my own company, Talking to adults.... Again, I'm grateful for this past year and a half at home, to see m,y daughters First's and breastfeeding (LOVED IT ALL) wouldn't do it differently (this past year has been a blessing in so many ways) but it sucks to feel stuck... trapped... like go to sleep and wake up and say what will I do today... I want to feel stimulated, I dont think that having a child should make you stay anywhere, even home, if anything to me now I see myself thinking about things I haven't thought about for a while, everything with a baby is soo long, such a long road ahead... And I'm done being scared, I'm done talking myself outta things. I want change, I'm now putting it out there into the universe and will be working on making changes in my life that will get me to wherever I want to be. People change, either adapt and evolve or live in the past.

- They say the grass is greener on the other side, its bullshit! Life sucks no matter what road we choose, we will always have daily struggles and face things we dont want to. Its up to each of us to choose what fights we want to fight, and I think I now see what fight I want to fight, its one within myself, Its one that hits so close to home, I just cant stop ignoring it and turn the other cheek.
I wish my mother was around for times like theses ( she passed in 2008) when you feel that any movements that you make and choices will hurt someone else, and you let that hold you back. Just want to ask MOM, how can I get through this and feel good at the end. This is eating me up inside. I'm angry that your not here to help/talk to me.... I know that you left me sisters, a brother and that I still have my father, but that somehow doesn't matter and sometimes I think,  if I could trade them in... I would..just to see you again. To Hear you talk to me, to give me advice. I miss you MOM and now that I am one I see and understand all that you did for us.

April 1st 2014....

Samaya is 3 years and 7 months old. She is a handful but amazing in every single way. Since its been so long I will indulge in a little back story.... hello its only been like 3 years! So here it is, Samaya is in Daycare full time. She goes in from 8am until 5:30pm. She had asthma and uses a pump, she hasn't used it within the last 7 months which is amazing. However, we have been facing another issue for the last few months. Samaya has been on and off with antibiotics. Its because of large adenoids and large tonsils. After  months of seeing a specialist and after months of treating infections, we have decided to move forward with surgery to remove them. ALL OF THEM, Samaya will undergo surgery april 11th. 

Here is samaya at age 2.5 blowing bubbles. 

Here with Daddy, oh does she love her some daddy!

 sammi in the park!!! She loves being outside, doesn't matter of its freezing or smoldering outside. 

 Here in her full glory! YUP this picture with all this personality is Samaya Nina. I love this girl to bits!

 last year was the first Our Family Retreat It was amazing, Glad we were able to spend time with family, my daughter was surrounded with her 15 million cousins (not really just like 7/10)  and me with my sisters and brother! 

 This is my older sister's youngest son, he and Samaya are 10 months apart! They are so cute. 

 Samaya and I playing on the swing and my sister was taking our pictures. Every one loves samaya she is small (thin for her age, and everyone enjoys carrying her) which of course she loves it!

So besides my daughters health, She is a beautiful girl, strong, opinionated and so so loving.  Jermaine and I are very happy with our lives. Jermaine does want more kids but I start to think where we are with our work careers and its hard to say I'm ready. However, Im turing 31 this year, I also feel as of I don't get prego now, I wont ever. So with that said, I have removed my IUD on january 2014. we are not trying to get pregnant but if it happens it will be very well accepted. Our second retreat is in May only a few weeks again and I am SO EXCITED!!!! We are looking forward to the surgery two weeks from now and then our vacation will come. I just really, really hope things get better as the days pass by. 
I will end this blog on a great optimistic note and will update you as the days go by. I do wanna say I am a full time Managers in a Luxury Retail clothing store in NYC. I only get two days off and they are sporadic  I can not control my days off but, I enjoy them daily. I truly enjoy what  do and know my daughter is taken care of 100% by her father. If and when we have more kids we will re-visit our child care but for now it works for us. Oh ill post pictures another time but we (jermaine and I) got married on our 8th year anniversary, it was amazing.  

xoxo, 
Michele

Mother-hood

So yesterday I was tested to the point where I might of failed if Jermaine wasn't around. Wanting to have children and being a caring nurturing mother is two very different things. The first year of life you are so wrapped up with the beauty that u have made a person. A beautiful, counting on u always and loving u till forever and ever. Even though u go months in the beginning with two hours of sleep you become accustom to it. At the year mark you don't even look back on those times. People ask hey how are you holding up and you say it's great. Then you baby starts to sleep more than two hours, your so proud. Then she finally sleep her first overnight. Omg!! Let's have a party u think. Lol. Now this is where I am at. I have always helped my daughter all asleep. Rocked nursed kisses sung anything so I can also get some shut eye. Well two days ago I said lets go back to the pack and play!! It's in my room so I'm not pushing my baby too far. Even though her room is about 6 steps from my bed. Lol. Well yesterday I put her In her pnp at 8:45. She knocked out in the pack n play @ 9:15. I thought success. !!! Well last night was a nightmare. I don't know y, and because I don't want to jump to conclusions I have to wait till I get home to talk to Jermaine. He has been watching her n helping her back to sleep when she wakes up at night. I wake up, don't look at the clock just know its late Jermaine is talking to Sam but she's not having it. I asked him if he wanted me to take over. She was calling mama. So I tried to reason with her (Samaya is a very smart 20 month old) she understands sleep, her bed, mommas bed and a lots more) so that doesn't work she's still crying. I ask her if she would like to sleep in the air bed with momma. She said yes. We lay down she wants to lay her head on mine not the pillow or bed ugh!! It doesn't work. I tell her I'm puttin her in her crib bc She's not going to sleep and I want her to be safe. I put her in the crib and go to bed. She is still crying but then I hear a THUMP. She jumped out of the bed/CRIB!!!!!! Wtf???!!! When did my sweet girl turn into a crazy monster. I'm so confused. And sad. And of course Jermaine jumps outta the bed and says I'm crazy. But how the hell did I know she was gonna do that?! I look at my cell it's 5:15AM. Omfg I need sleep. I work tomorrow, she keeps calling out of momma and bobos (code for nursing) so I finally give in and nurse her she falls asleep within 5 minutes. And we are all back at step one. I never thought motherhood came with such challenges. I know many moms and they don't talk about this crazy stressful stuff. It's just mind boggling. Super sad and confusing for both/ all of us. I don't know what will work for us in aiding samaya off of our bed but I am still looking and will continue tryin I just can't do CIO it breaks my heart to hear my daughter crying. Maybe I'm weak maybe u might say she runs me. I don't care. I know that my child is kind, caring, loving and very smart so there has to be something WE are doing right.
Being a parent isn't about following a book it's about mistakes and how we correct them. It's about adjusting you plans at 5 in the morning. And making sure your child is number one at all times and I know that is what my daughter is to me. #1 always.


I waited and re-read this one post for a long time. This was a learning. The for me, and by far the toughest. I'm come to c that what works for me won't work for everybody. My daughter Samaya will be 2 in august we still share my bed at night. For day naps she will fall asleep on her own in her crib, but at night. Yeah right. I can say, she's almost two and we still might nurse and 1st thing in the morning, again this works for us. Not everyone. I will continue with it until it no longer works for us. Goodnight

day 9

It isn't easier, I thought hey by day 9 you would be flying thru this, well this goes to show how off I was ... Maybe im extra tired bc i have also been dealing with cramps from hell! But, whatever no excuses I will continue to push thru even if it take me 30 days to feel like I can finally move to level 2, but I will take my time and move at my pace, It's not like I want to lose 50 lbs I just want to tone my body. So that may take as much or as little time as it needs. I am enjoying working out! I really do love it! I also just purchased the get ripped in 30, maybe when I'm done with this one I can move onto that! :)

Day 7

Omg, so about my menstral period being light, yeah right! This is killing me! I want to crawl in a box n stay there for as long as possible. I have to remove the Iud, the cramps that I am going thru is insane and like nothing I have ever felt before. I didn't work out this morning. I'm hoping to workout once I get back home from work, but last nights workout was hard, even the basic jumping jacks n the push ups had me pushing myself. I hope these cramps don't last much longer or get in the way of my workouts. Here's to hoping this will pass soon and I won't have to deal with it until next month. Oh gap has a casting all going on right now. I couldn't help myself but to add my baby girl. I hope she gets it. This is the pic I used of Samaya Nina, I love it.

Day5

I'm so proud of myself, didn't think i would even make it to day 5! Here we are and I'm feeling good, its funny bc I have my period and last months period I wanted to die, I even scheduled an appt to remove my paraguard bc the pains were so strong and the duration was so long, but here I am this month on day 3 of my very light period with very minimal cramping pain... maybe working out is helping that? who knows, all I know is that this is working I can see myself not fighting thru the entire workout, I can see the end near when I am feeling like I wanna quit! I will continue to do this, I hope that next week I can add more abs wrk out three times a week after this 30 day shred but I wont promise anything bc I enjoy doing this in the morning or mid afternoons I hate working out at night... maybe I can split it up and do abs at night that way better than cardio after I've been in heels for over 8 hrs! well I know its a small celebration but I am excited and proud I've made it to day FIVE!!!!

-fyi for some reason abs today were a bit difficult, like I felt the muscles really working today :) 

Day 4

Day 4 completed... So happy I have kept up with this! I'm excited, today I added 5 lbs weights but that was way too much. I need to stick to my chef boyrdee cans bc my arms are burning, almost to the point where I really wanted to quit! But whatever, also another thing, night workouts are NOT for me! I have to workout in the morning! So on that note, see you tomorrow day 5.

Day 3

Nope I haven't forgotten, but last night was a tough night. My daughter was up at 2am wanting to eat yogurt n bananas, your thinking well that not bad give the girl some food, well she didn't go back to be until almost 4 am. An even then it was fighting me n Jermaine. So I told myself I wouldn't freak out n just do my workout after work. Yes it's alot harder for me to find time but tonight I will have to. So day 3 u started with a twist but I will find time to get my workout on. C u later with my mini after workout post :)

Day 2 30 day shred

I feel sore! Everything hurts, but i stuck thru it this morning woke up at 7am and got my workout in! I feel my muscle achy, but i hope i can go forward with this. Todays workout wasn't too hard im still at level one, the push up got easier but the weight training with the weights is horrible, my arms hurt the most, I also work today and oh my, that wont be fun.
Im off to wrk!

30 day shred starts today!!

Hi everyone, Michele here,
I know i haven't posted in forever and a day but with a full-time job, 19 month old baby, two dogs and a boyfriend life gets in the way! :) But today i have just completed my first day of 30 day shred, I am following it thru YOUTUBE! I think its very doable for mothers who don't have 1-3 hours available for the gym. I am doing this at home in my living room with no shoes on! ( i don't have running sneakers and as for weights i am using my favorite chefboyrdee spaghetti with meatballs (haha better than me eating it right)!! It is hard i will not lie the push up are by far the hardest for me, I love the jumping and cardio but HATE with a passion strength training UGH!!! But i will stick it thru it's only 30 days and less than 30 min a day! I will try to do them every morning before i go to work, but on my days off i will do them after breakfast! I think its this a great starting program for me because i haven't exersice since before Samaya was born 2010 and i did okay! Hope to keep you guys posted on my routine by blogging everyday, it will also keep me motivated. My measurements before working out today were as follows

Natural waist 29 inches
Tummy 34 inches
Thighs 21 1/2 inches
Chest 34 1/2 inches
Arms 9 3/4 inches

i will be posting pictures of me before and after just have to take them, Im not in horrible shape i only weight aprox 130 lbs, and im 5 4" but the thing is i have huge baby belly that need to get toned before i turn 29!!!
Well anyways good luck to me, and if anyone wants to join me in this journey please feel free to contact me below!

Bed share.....

So it's 3:35am and yes I still bed share with my daughter. I'm so tired n sleepy I forget n set her on the outside of the bed. My baby girl (16 months old) is a mover at night. She starts yelling ... She's on the floor. I feel so bad for her but at the same time think uuuggghhh I could avoid this. Tomorrow we will start her sleeping in her own bed.
Thanks for allowing me to vent. Back to bed I go.

Im a working Momma... with a huge HEADACHE!!!!

Hi there long time!

So I have been working at a retail store, just doing some basic stock work and OMG I am in love with working. I wish i could be there all the time! LOL not really, but i do enjoy working again. I only wish I had more responsibility, I feel like I can be giving said company 100% more of me, My thoughts and ideas and Im not allowed to! Its kinda annoying but I guess it will have to do for now. I need to remember as much as I want to work hard and get my career/self worth back, I will be missing on time with my daughter and that don't fly with me. I hate that the three days that I work now I come home and she goes straight to bed.. I miss my mommy and baby days!

- So today I'm sitting here thinking which way will I go? will I be the hard working career oriented mother/person that I am at heart? or will I work just enough to pay for childcare and enjoy my daughter toddler days!
I guess being a mom isn't a day/night/hourly/weekly struggle, when a person has a kid omg that bond is unbreakable! I feel as if everything is on my shoulders and I want to make only the BEST decisions! WHAT IS THE BEST decision?? who knows? Shit not even me... lol hope i make the best one for my family!
-Hope all my readers are doing okay and having fun! Were still cloth diapering and i plan on making some fitted cloth diapers to maybe sell or at the very least introduce my family and friends to a better way   for diapering there children! I'm thinking that maybe Feb. or March i can start to get my projects together.
Good luck and continue to read! Hope to be writing more often, Im getting Samaya back on her sleeping pattern, her molar's are no longer an issue at least for tonight.... lets hope it last more than one night!

omg its been a long while, my future look....

okay so its been like what?! ten days since my last post this is insane. I really don't know where my days are going. I'm very happy at work, I miss my daughter dearly but i love being able to do something, being able to show what i can do. I love working! That sounds so crazy, haha but i cant help it! I really do love making money! And i took the most major pay cut but because at this time in my life i want to make money being creative (sewing) i just have to make a little bit of money and then start my own business! I hope that once i get my sewing machine(yes people i don't even have a sewing machine yet and im doing all this planning on what my plans are! ) I can create these fitted diapers that everyone will love and love to  BUY and wear on there babies!!!!!!! I hope people will buy what i make! lol, and hopefully i can make them before my daughter is potty trained! lol,
Well, enough talk, Im going so crazy thinking. Hopefully by january i will have a sewing machine and a company name, and making and testing some of my products.

If anyone reading this blog is interested please comment below and let me know if you would be my tester? I will be making fitted diapers, cotton velour and bamboo and hemp! They would be good for heavy wetters !!

my company names ...
Plush Bottoms
Nina's Notion's
and more to come.. feel free to give me your thoughts and comments!
Thanks readers!- someone is reading what I'm writing (hence the counter chart to our right--->) please comment below and let me know your thoughts on what i write and what you would like to see/hear from me!
<3 Michele

where have I been?

... Ummm, let me c I started a part time job. In which I decided today that i Will need a raise to continue to work there, Theres lots to do and im not getting paid enuff. Ha isn't that everyone's thing!  Its retail, But my biggest challenge was leaving my 13 month old in care of other people. Now so that you can see just how paranoid/momma-knowsbest/crazy I am, I am leaving my daughter to be cared for by MY OLDEST SISTER, and I did cry the firs day of work. Not at work I cried at home before I left, I was so sad and that day my daughter was staying with her FATHER!!
That was all for nothing because my daughter went about her day as if I had never left her side. Well, technically she wasn't nursing bc hello I'm the one with the boobs and she didn't nap very good the first day, but today she did great took three hours worth of naps and ate like a champ! But she wont drink milk for the life of anyone!!!!! I/We tried in cereal, in baby food cereal, in a cup, straw sippy, reg sippy, cold/hot/warm. This child knows milk and wont go next to it! I do nurse her before I leave twice and as soon as I get back. She also nurses to sleep at night about 30 min worth of nursing/fidgiting. The day before yesterday she woke up at night to nurse about three times. Last night we slept the whole night! I don't know whats in store for us tonight but im so sleepy I cant even type anymore!
Thats all for today im exhausted! Please over look the typos!
Have a great night everyone! And remember, you can nurse your baby all you want the first year and return to work a year later! Im living proof that it can work!
Michele

Mind boggling thoughts.

If funny how clothing makes you feel. I must say I'm not a very fashionable forward person but, I love to dress pretty and comfortable. The other day I dressed up for an interview, Yes it is about that time that this momma returned to work, I felt so strong, so powerful, and I can't wait to dress up everyday and work! Haha! Dique can't wait to work, I am truly excited! But on the other hand I am faced with the question ? What am I going to do for childcare for my daughter, and I want the BEST of the best. No if, and's or but's. Where the hell does one to look for a great sitter or daycare?

- I need to buckle down and do my research like I do with everything else. Bye bye for now!

My day with my mother

Today I went to visit my mother's gravesite. I miss her so much, I think of her at least once or twice everyday and ask myself where would I be if she was alive today. With who will I be? Will I be working?.. When I sit on the grass near her tombstone I draw a blank. I re-read her name so I know she is buried their but maybe I don't want to believe it. I try to touch it, feel the grass, the sun beaming on my shoulders, smell the flowers.. But I'm still yearning for my mothers hugs, kisses, and the way she use to make me smile.  I just try to remember what her last few days/weeks on this earth was like, did I say something mean? Did I tell her I LOVED her, did I try to make her comfortable?? It makes me very sad because I don't think I did all I COULD... I just hope she's looking at me from above and is happy with the way I turned out. Happy that I have tried, happy that im putting myself out there agin for work and will start soon. Happy that I know I ADORED HER, MY MOTHER, and would give my right arm to see her again, to have her yell at me to do the dishes, or mop/sweep the house. I do have to make more of a commitment to visit her site more frequently, Geez I live in New York and have only gone a handful of times. That must change. That will change. I love you mom!

- Sorry to get all personal but this blog is about what happens to me, what I feel and go thorough, These feeling are a part of me and sometimes they pour out! It's a tough thing to lose a parent, and i wish that upon no one. Be safe!

Asi es la VIDA.....

So I follow a site a=called BabyCenter.com and they have a great group of women/Moms there! Thats where all my inspiration come from! Just yesterday there was a lady posting in my birth board about BLOGS, keeping a 365 blog and after the three hundred and sixty-five days of blogging, we print out the pages /pictures and bam... There's your scrap book for you loving growing child! I thought GREAT!!!!! love it! But now when will I blog daily... time wise I mean, morning/evening... I dunno.. Soon I will have more of a schedule to my daily life.

- These are just some of my thought and some of the changes that will soon cover these pages!
<3 ya'll

Page update! Read all about it!

So I've spent today with a very cranky baby girl. She's getting over her fever/whatever it is that she has... lol, but i've been doing a lot of thinking on what I would name a shop if I had one. And I did come up with a few names, None that I'm willing mention now but, I have something in the works. While I was thinking/doing some research via google/youtube, I discovered that it's a huge deal/production to create a logo/design, please if any of my readers know how to do this feel free to comment below bc I have NO IDEA where to even start. So I started to thinking of my blog and how I haven't changed anything over here, This font/page layout makes me happy and pushes me to be creative! I love that the colors are so bright but not too much, at least for me! hehe, All I can say is I'm excited on days like this because this is something that even two years ago I would have said no to! Lots of things have changed since having Samaya and I can say now they are all for the better!

a peek into my brain

So after cloth diapering my child for almost 7/8 months i have found my calling. It's sewing! I do want t to try knitting and crocheting but lets be honest I don't have a hair on me that is creative! But when a business is involved im all over it, lets meet a deadline, lets talk shop, cost, inventory, and anything else that has to do with stock/products! IM HERE!!!! ALL EARS!!! I haven't been more passionate in anything for as long as i could remember... some might say, wow too long without wrk and maybe that is so but i cant help it.. I one want to work from home (love my baby girl) and two would love to open moms, MOMS that I know in real life to cloth and stop using disposable diaper! I want to be the 80yr grandma that loves to talk and that her grandkids about things that we did different and things. Ways that make you think OUTSIDE the BOX !! 

- YOU could be happy with LESS!!!! Do first, think LATER! 

-Peace out!

Feel free to comment below and let me know what you think.. I know someone is reading this.. it would be nice to say hi! 

I DONT BITE  :)