Today I went to visit my mother's gravesite. I miss her so much, I think of her at least once or twice everyday and ask myself where would I be if she was alive today. With who will I be? Will I be working?.. When I sit on the grass near her tombstone I draw a blank. I re-read her name so I know she is buried their but maybe I don't want to believe it. I try to touch it, feel the grass, the sun beaming on my shoulders, smell the flowers.. But I'm still yearning for my mothers hugs, kisses, and the way she use to make me smile. I just try to remember what her last few days/weeks on this earth was like, did I say something mean? Did I tell her I LOVED her, did I try to make her comfortable?? It makes me very sad because I don't think I did all I COULD... I just hope she's looking at me from above and is happy with the way I turned out. Happy that I have tried, happy that im putting myself out there agin for work and will start soon. Happy that I know I ADORED HER, MY MOTHER, and would give my right arm to see her again, to have her yell at me to do the dishes, or mop/sweep the house. I do have to make more of a commitment to visit her site more frequently, Geez I live in New York and have only gone a handful of times. That must change. That will change. I love you mom!
- Sorry to get all personal but this blog is about what happens to me, what I feel and go thorough, These feeling are a part of me and sometimes they pour out! It's a tough thing to lose a parent, and i wish that upon no one. Be safe!
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