Im a working Momma... with a huge HEADACHE!!!!

Hi there long time!

So I have been working at a retail store, just doing some basic stock work and OMG I am in love with working. I wish i could be there all the time! LOL not really, but i do enjoy working again. I only wish I had more responsibility, I feel like I can be giving said company 100% more of me, My thoughts and ideas and Im not allowed to! Its kinda annoying but I guess it will have to do for now. I need to remember as much as I want to work hard and get my career/self worth back, I will be missing on time with my daughter and that don't fly with me. I hate that the three days that I work now I come home and she goes straight to bed.. I miss my mommy and baby days!

- So today I'm sitting here thinking which way will I go? will I be the hard working career oriented mother/person that I am at heart? or will I work just enough to pay for childcare and enjoy my daughter toddler days!
I guess being a mom isn't a day/night/hourly/weekly struggle, when a person has a kid omg that bond is unbreakable! I feel as if everything is on my shoulders and I want to make only the BEST decisions! WHAT IS THE BEST decision?? who knows? Shit not even me... lol hope i make the best one for my family!
-Hope all my readers are doing okay and having fun! Were still cloth diapering and i plan on making some fitted cloth diapers to maybe sell or at the very least introduce my family and friends to a better way   for diapering there children! I'm thinking that maybe Feb. or March i can start to get my projects together.
Good luck and continue to read! Hope to be writing more often, Im getting Samaya back on her sleeping pattern, her molar's are no longer an issue at least for tonight.... lets hope it last more than one night!

omg its been a long while, my future look....

okay so its been like what?! ten days since my last post this is insane. I really don't know where my days are going. I'm very happy at work, I miss my daughter dearly but i love being able to do something, being able to show what i can do. I love working! That sounds so crazy, haha but i cant help it! I really do love making money! And i took the most major pay cut but because at this time in my life i want to make money being creative (sewing) i just have to make a little bit of money and then start my own business! I hope that once i get my sewing machine(yes people i don't even have a sewing machine yet and im doing all this planning on what my plans are! ) I can create these fitted diapers that everyone will love and love to  BUY and wear on there babies!!!!!!! I hope people will buy what i make! lol, and hopefully i can make them before my daughter is potty trained! lol,
Well, enough talk, Im going so crazy thinking. Hopefully by january i will have a sewing machine and a company name, and making and testing some of my products.

If anyone reading this blog is interested please comment below and let me know if you would be my tester? I will be making fitted diapers, cotton velour and bamboo and hemp! They would be good for heavy wetters !!

my company names ...
Plush Bottoms
Nina's Notion's
and more to come.. feel free to give me your thoughts and comments!
Thanks readers!- someone is reading what I'm writing (hence the counter chart to our right--->) please comment below and let me know your thoughts on what i write and what you would like to see/hear from me!
<3 Michele

where have I been?

... Ummm, let me c I started a part time job. In which I decided today that i Will need a raise to continue to work there, Theres lots to do and im not getting paid enuff. Ha isn't that everyone's thing!  Its retail, But my biggest challenge was leaving my 13 month old in care of other people. Now so that you can see just how paranoid/momma-knowsbest/crazy I am, I am leaving my daughter to be cared for by MY OLDEST SISTER, and I did cry the firs day of work. Not at work I cried at home before I left, I was so sad and that day my daughter was staying with her FATHER!!
That was all for nothing because my daughter went about her day as if I had never left her side. Well, technically she wasn't nursing bc hello I'm the one with the boobs and she didn't nap very good the first day, but today she did great took three hours worth of naps and ate like a champ! But she wont drink milk for the life of anyone!!!!! I/We tried in cereal, in baby food cereal, in a cup, straw sippy, reg sippy, cold/hot/warm. This child knows milk and wont go next to it! I do nurse her before I leave twice and as soon as I get back. She also nurses to sleep at night about 30 min worth of nursing/fidgiting. The day before yesterday she woke up at night to nurse about three times. Last night we slept the whole night! I don't know whats in store for us tonight but im so sleepy I cant even type anymore!
Thats all for today im exhausted! Please over look the typos!
Have a great night everyone! And remember, you can nurse your baby all you want the first year and return to work a year later! Im living proof that it can work!
Michele

Mind boggling thoughts.

If funny how clothing makes you feel. I must say I'm not a very fashionable forward person but, I love to dress pretty and comfortable. The other day I dressed up for an interview, Yes it is about that time that this momma returned to work, I felt so strong, so powerful, and I can't wait to dress up everyday and work! Haha! Dique can't wait to work, I am truly excited! But on the other hand I am faced with the question ? What am I going to do for childcare for my daughter, and I want the BEST of the best. No if, and's or but's. Where the hell does one to look for a great sitter or daycare?

- I need to buckle down and do my research like I do with everything else. Bye bye for now!

My day with my mother

Today I went to visit my mother's gravesite. I miss her so much, I think of her at least once or twice everyday and ask myself where would I be if she was alive today. With who will I be? Will I be working?.. When I sit on the grass near her tombstone I draw a blank. I re-read her name so I know she is buried their but maybe I don't want to believe it. I try to touch it, feel the grass, the sun beaming on my shoulders, smell the flowers.. But I'm still yearning for my mothers hugs, kisses, and the way she use to make me smile.  I just try to remember what her last few days/weeks on this earth was like, did I say something mean? Did I tell her I LOVED her, did I try to make her comfortable?? It makes me very sad because I don't think I did all I COULD... I just hope she's looking at me from above and is happy with the way I turned out. Happy that I have tried, happy that im putting myself out there agin for work and will start soon. Happy that I know I ADORED HER, MY MOTHER, and would give my right arm to see her again, to have her yell at me to do the dishes, or mop/sweep the house. I do have to make more of a commitment to visit her site more frequently, Geez I live in New York and have only gone a handful of times. That must change. That will change. I love you mom!

- Sorry to get all personal but this blog is about what happens to me, what I feel and go thorough, These feeling are a part of me and sometimes they pour out! It's a tough thing to lose a parent, and i wish that upon no one. Be safe!