Mother-hood

So yesterday I was tested to the point where I might of failed if Jermaine wasn't around. Wanting to have children and being a caring nurturing mother is two very different things. The first year of life you are so wrapped up with the beauty that u have made a person. A beautiful, counting on u always and loving u till forever and ever. Even though u go months in the beginning with two hours of sleep you become accustom to it. At the year mark you don't even look back on those times. People ask hey how are you holding up and you say it's great. Then you baby starts to sleep more than two hours, your so proud. Then she finally sleep her first overnight. Omg!! Let's have a party u think. Lol. Now this is where I am at. I have always helped my daughter all asleep. Rocked nursed kisses sung anything so I can also get some shut eye. Well two days ago I said lets go back to the pack and play!! It's in my room so I'm not pushing my baby too far. Even though her room is about 6 steps from my bed. Lol. Well yesterday I put her In her pnp at 8:45. She knocked out in the pack n play @ 9:15. I thought success. !!! Well last night was a nightmare. I don't know y, and because I don't want to jump to conclusions I have to wait till I get home to talk to Jermaine. He has been watching her n helping her back to sleep when she wakes up at night. I wake up, don't look at the clock just know its late Jermaine is talking to Sam but she's not having it. I asked him if he wanted me to take over. She was calling mama. So I tried to reason with her (Samaya is a very smart 20 month old) she understands sleep, her bed, mommas bed and a lots more) so that doesn't work she's still crying. I ask her if she would like to sleep in the air bed with momma. She said yes. We lay down she wants to lay her head on mine not the pillow or bed ugh!! It doesn't work. I tell her I'm puttin her in her crib bc She's not going to sleep and I want her to be safe. I put her in the crib and go to bed. She is still crying but then I hear a THUMP. She jumped out of the bed/CRIB!!!!!! Wtf???!!! When did my sweet girl turn into a crazy monster. I'm so confused. And sad. And of course Jermaine jumps outta the bed and says I'm crazy. But how the hell did I know she was gonna do that?! I look at my cell it's 5:15AM. Omfg I need sleep. I work tomorrow, she keeps calling out of momma and bobos (code for nursing) so I finally give in and nurse her she falls asleep within 5 minutes. And we are all back at step one. I never thought motherhood came with such challenges. I know many moms and they don't talk about this crazy stressful stuff. It's just mind boggling. Super sad and confusing for both/ all of us. I don't know what will work for us in aiding samaya off of our bed but I am still looking and will continue tryin I just can't do CIO it breaks my heart to hear my daughter crying. Maybe I'm weak maybe u might say she runs me. I don't care. I know that my child is kind, caring, loving and very smart so there has to be something WE are doing right.
Being a parent isn't about following a book it's about mistakes and how we correct them. It's about adjusting you plans at 5 in the morning. And making sure your child is number one at all times and I know that is what my daughter is to me. #1 always.


I waited and re-read this one post for a long time. This was a learning. The for me, and by far the toughest. I'm come to c that what works for me won't work for everybody. My daughter Samaya will be 2 in august we still share my bed at night. For day naps she will fall asleep on her own in her crib, but at night. Yeah right. I can say, she's almost two and we still might nurse and 1st thing in the morning, again this works for us. Not everyone. I will continue with it until it no longer works for us. Goodnight